Last weekend, I watched Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain

I've been a fan of Anthony Bourdain since I was probably 14. I remember sitting in the basement, watching late night reruns of No Reservations. I didn't start working in the service industry until my early twenties, but I've always loved cooking and great food. Plus, my rebellious, teenage self absolutely loved watching him smoke, drink, and swear his way through the amazing locales.

I watched The Layover and Parts Unknown when I could, but, by that point, I was out of my parents' house and had a kid and no cable. But I had picked up the first season of No Reservations on DVD when the local Hollywood Video went out of business, so I could always pop one of those in.

I spent most of my twenties trying to drink my pain away. I fucked up a lot, got arrested a few times, tanked a semester or two, and collected various regrets. I'm still depressed, but I haven't had a drink in over two years. Whether it's wishful thinking or not, I see, or saw, a lot of myself in Tony, saw some of my pain reflected in his eyes, felt he shared similar struggles, and Roadrunner just cemented those feelings.

That shit fucked me up, the movie, I mean, though I guess that could also apply to my depression, my twenties, and my drinking. The film is so god damn good, but I had a rough time watching. Old clips of Tony kept punching me in the gut, his words hammering home like needles driven into my skull. My heart broke, mostly for him, but a part was for me. I guess I don't know if I have a real point, but I wanted to share.

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